Relationships are hard. They just are. No matter what you believe or practice they are hard. And going from a “vanilla” relationship to a D/s or DD or whatever you identify your relationship as is even harder.

You have to relearn your normal. You have to figure out what works for you and your spouse. On more than one occasion, you will have to figure out if it is worth it or not.

My husband and I are at that figuring out stage in our relationship. We have done this about 4 times since we started our lifestyle journey and I suspect we will do it many more even if we decide to step away from the lifestyle for a while.

Don’t get me wrong, I (and I think I can say we) LOVE the way our relationship works when we actively practice our dynamic. We communicate better, fight less, and the sex is more intense and more frequent … TMI?

I strive under his direction. His praise of a job well done or a whispered “good girl” melts me into a pile of subbie goo. His displeasure at me breaking one of our agreed upon rules twists my guts into knots and I crave the discipline that will put us where we need to be once again.

It is the following through that we have issues with. When life gets in the way, and our expectations for each other drop off.

It is the making time for our dynamic and the needed discipline. It’s finding time talk to him about the expectations he had for me and why I did not meet those expectations. That sounds horrible, but it is the truth. Making time for us and our relationship is what we are struggling with.

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So, right now my husband and I are in limbo. Trying to figure out what we are going to do. Where we go from here.

Don’t get me wrong, I was submissive to him LONG before we started practicing and added physical discipline to our relationship. I turned to him to make big decisions. I trusted him to put the family first. I even sat on the floor at his feet because I felt closer to him that way.

He was my Dom long before we found the titles.

He will continue to be even if he decides he doesn’t want to actively practice the lifestyle anymore.